Fruitcake Flypaper

I think my last foray into dating was disastrous. There has been a pattern developing that I don't care for.
I have had a test every Friday, for the last 12 weeks. They stress me out and this is somewhat of a turning point in my career, so they stress me out in a more than normal way, considering that this is a class that is taught in 3 languages.
So this "relationship" has been, start to apparent finish in 49 days. Yeah you read that right. So in this time, I have been absolutely blasted for wanting time to myself to study. I have been told that I have time for everything but this relationship. Frankly, it's true. In my five year tenure at this school, there has been one person who actually got that I needed to be left the hell alone when I have said that I needed to study. The rest of them? Oh hell no. My study time is when they have invented these sudden, urgent, needs to be up my metaphoric ass as far as they can get. Text messages, calls, long fucking emails, etc. Relentlessly crossing a simple boundary so many times it drives me to aggressively defend it. Then, it becomes all my fault.
I was asked why I even considered getting into a relationship if I had no time for it. I distinctly recall our very first face to face conversation included how fucking busy I was with school. She barreled on ahead, so focused on the goal of possessing me, she listened to nothing.
I also described the amount of time I had been by myself, and the reluctance of getting into another relationship if it was going to end up being the same old shit. But here is the problem. She didn't listen to shit I said and is blaming me for being difficult. The problem is that I am being me, and if I have to change to accommodate someone, then that isn't the right someone. I do believe in compromise, but not a change of the basal character. This applies to her as well. I don't see any reason to engage in tit-for- tat, even though there is ample opportunity to engage in it. I don't have the time for that shit. Everything was fine until I started needing time for me. BIG PROBLEM.
Now this person has a very recent history of dating someone who was dating someone else at the same time. She felt put on the back burner very often, and even when I have pointed out that this is what she is doing, she can't see that she is blasting me with the words she didn't have the courage to blast the other person with.
Bottom line, that shit is not my problem, and I was not put on this earth to be the end-all, be-all for anyone. My god I am so disappointed that this shit goes on so late in life. I cannot change the way she is, I can only change myself. I have been the chameleon in so many relationships, and six months down the road after I have changed to be the person they wanted, instead of who I am, they realized that they weren't in love with me any mo because I wasn't the person they fell in love with, failing to realize that all of their little tweaks, like telling me who to hang out with, and what and where to write things, had squashed the personality they fell for. Few are evolved enough to realize that is what happens.
I am tired of it. Sick to death of it, and would actually rather be alone than to have to play such a childish game. Seriously, it is take me as I am becoming, or fuck off.


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