Full credit to Casey Anthony's ex for coming up with the term "Circus of Dysfunctionality." I love it and am going to use it with relish for the events in my life that have occurred over the previous 8 weeks.
It's so hard to even explain, but I absolutely need to purge. New things are coming into my life and I want my plate clean. I need to get rid of the old to make room for the new, and today has been an especially rough day.
My ex has been using the term "crazy cunt" for me. I have been respectful to a fault, apart from calling her actions crazy, and nutsack, and batshit crazy, and have made attempts at maintaining the friendship, but she can't seem to let up. She demands everything. There is no asking. There is no real need, just demands. She demands attention with multiple suicide attempts. When she knows that I am with friends (not her) and then demands attention, and doesn't get what she wants, when she wants, I get all the mental shit that rolls downhill. Seriously, 100 texts in one day, voice mails of increasing severity, accusations, and twists in imagination that rival the writing in psychological thrillers.
SHE is putting our mutual friends in a position of 'being in the middle'. SHE talks about "all [her] friends who have been 'helping' ". Yet, when she needs anything tangible, she blows up my phone. Thank god for AT&T and their Smart settings, as I was finally able to block a single number from calling, and not have to hear the daily rants. Now to work on severing the emails, and keeping her off my damned blog.
But here's the fucked up part. When she went to "the hospital", I literally begged her social worker to keep her from calling me. I begged both of her parents to maybe guide her away from calling me, oh but Hell no. Then her 'daddy' came and got her out, holding proof positive that she actually needed the help. I have literally had 10 total days off without getting some form of communication from her in the last year, and 6 of those were on a cruise. Yes, I was trying to maintain a friendship, but it wasn't on her terms, so I got called names. The real icing on the cake was a gentle conversation that was going well until she hit me again with the "will you go to counseling with me." I said, in a clear and direct tone, "You maybe need to go to some Al-Anon meetings, and learn a little about co-dependency, since you don't think you have any of those traits." She says to me, "Will you go with me?" Seriously? WTF
Sorry, but I have watched enough "Intervention" to know what tough love is. I have been in relationship with an addict. I know this like the back of my hand. When she went from 'suicidal ideation' to actuation in my coming home to her in a giant puddle of vomit and unresponsive, I went tough love. The social worker came in and was talking to both of us. I looked at her, half of her face still affected by the 'couple of remnant bottles of Klonpin' and LAMICTAL (a major anti-epileptic), and slurring her words. I was the one sitting there with my mouth open listening to her slur to the SW that she had taken an OD amount to take a 'nap'. She then began to pick at her IV when she realized that she couldn't pull some shit like that and just go home thinking that there would be no consequences. I was the one sitting there watching EIGHT people hold her down. I watched as her struggle changed the catheter angle, and when the nurse tried to replace it, she literally screamed "RAAAAAAAPPPPPEE" at the top of her lungs with 5 people in the room. I was finally able to witness how her mind processes information, in that, she witnesses things and immediately changes the story so that she looks like an innocent. I looked at the SW and said, "Do you think I feel safe?" That was the last time anyone in the system did anything for me.
Oh I got the promises and assurances from her parents telling me that she wouldn't be there when I completed a move I wasn't planning for, yet her father sat there and let her talk to me like a fucking dog, parked the Jeep and trailer across the driveway so the moving van couldn't pull in, and didn't even think the Jeep was an issue until they'd been loading for an hour. Today, after yet another DEMAND, of astronomical confusion, and little regard for other people having their own shit to do, the bastard sent me an email saying "So you're just going to leave the dogs there with no food or water until we get back?" When the FUCK did I become the only parental figure in the life of a grown, 35 year-old, who claims to have TONS of friends who can help her? I had someone arranged to care for the animals, and she told him he wasn't welcome in her house, and to get the keys back to me ASAP. I told her to take care of her own shit for a change, and that I was leaving the keys where she, or her agent, could find them, washing my hands of the whole she-bang. She also knew that during this little "couple of weeks" of dog care that turned into a MONTH, that I would be driving nearly 100 miles round trip, daily. I chose someone she USED to trust who lives much much closer, but because she thinks today, that she didn't "approve" of the change that she knew about a week ago, I get the daily onslaught of abuse, after I blocked her number, she again DEMANDED that I be the only one she trusted in her house. She then went on to tell several friends that "the crazy cunt" had threatened to take her dogs to the pound, once again pulling the pity card. Yeah. I have multiple witnesses to everything I have done over the last month, and between us, know that NO SUCH THING EVER CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH. WE know whose idea that was because the ex cannot even take care of herself.
I read her latest blog about "What You Owe Me" and countered it with "well, you OWE ME 337 days of my life, and $3000 of equipment that she demanded be removed from her house the day I moved, while telling her I had no place for it. When my bike gets back from the shop, I'll be sure to send you the bill for the repairs it needs after you fucked with it the day I left." Always straight for the jugular.
What IS IT that causes someone who is obviously not wanted in your life, to attempt to force their way in? I am just stunned. Nothing I have done over the last 2 months has indicated that I wanted to continue in a relationship with her. Yet, I am her go-to for everything. She gets something in her head, and hell or high water, she is going to get it, no matter who or what is in her way.
The primary reason for our break-up is that the constant management of her "issues" preceded any actual need that I had. The FIVE legal cases that are on-going, the complaints, the grievances, the attorneys, the doctors, and the FOUR "hospitalizations" since February. The fact that she could sling the fuck yous, and name calling, and abusive days/weeks and think that I didn't deserve an apology because there was always justification...in HER mind. There were so many compelling reasons for me to leave, and I didn't. When I finally did, her abuse escalated to great new heights, which, by the way, weren't even exacted upon me by a medically diagnosed schizophrenic. Hell, even the schizo apologized to me when she was properly medicated. Blame it on whatever she wants, but uh, Welbutrin doesn't make you lose your mind and cause you to wreak havoc on another person's life because they are choosing, for whatever reason, to NOT BE UNDER YOUR CONTROLLING WHIMS. I have been slandered, defamed, abused, and under constant avail to this nutter, and will NOT be saying anymore about it. If for whatever reason, you, whoever you are creepy stalker, choose to relay this link to her, my only wish is that you get to experience twice the shit my life has been these last two months. Karma is a bitch, and all I have to do is sit by the river and watch.
